The Beginning

In November 2013 I was raped by someone I met from Craigs List’s Men Seeking Men postings.  I had just turned 24.  After a few weeks I began looking at the postings to see if he posted again.  I saw the following one that set me off and I replied.

vgl st8: questions about bottoming. any straight/bi guys tried it? - 26

i am a vgl straight but curious guy. i date and fuck women but had some light play with a guy recently. got rimmed and enjoyed it.

i would like to talk online to someone about their first time bottoming. i am curious about it. looking to chat with a straight or bi guy only, who is not that experienced with bottoming but has tried it.

It was horrible.  It was rape.  I went to someone who had a posting here for a massage and a hand job in his apartment with a table.  I was on my stomach with a towel.  He played with my ass I couldn't see when he shoved his dick in me.  I yelled but he was much bigger then me.  It was painful.  I got tested and was okay.  I was too embarrassed to report him.

If you're straight don't do it.  It fucks with your head.

are you for real?  that really happened?  are you gay, bi or straight?

Yes it happened.  Straight/bi.  I'd looked at the postings to get blown.   I'd been drinking and answered the massage ad.

shit.  that is bad.  was it your first time  did he wear a condom?

Yes first time. I had never thought of doing that!  It happened so fast he did not put on a condom.  I was just shocked and couldn't do or say anything after.  

what did you do once he got off of you?

He just stood there.  I got dressed and left.  

where did he cum?

He pulled out and shot on my back.

shit that's bad.  sorry to hear that bro.  was he old?

Like 30s.  He had an ad for free massage with release for young guys.

shit.  he was hung?  too bad your first time was like that.  before that were you ever curious about anal?  you been with a guy since?

He was a Hispanic guy very built who looked like he could be a trainer.  When he was doing it to me I feel that he was big.  After when I was getting my stuff and he stood there naked I could see he was soft but big.  I felt like throwing up. I try not to think about it  I was never curious about this.  I haven’t been with anyone since.

ok.  did he fuck you for long?  guess it didn't feel good at all?  it is a shame you couldn't try it (if you wanted) with the right guy.

after he shoved it in it was like 15 minutes of him going in and out 

the sick thing is that after awhile it does feel physically good because of the sensations and getting used to it   i got hard because it's involuntary   it felt gross when he came on me  it fucked up my head

i'm sorry that it fucked you up.  how long ago?  did he say anything after?

In November.

I felt his cum all over my back.  he got off me and pulled it out walked away handed me a towel  and said i should clean up  i could feel my ass was wet and it dripping on my legs too  i took the towel and wiped myself  he stood there when i was putting my clothes on and didn't say anything else

it was like when women talk about it being used 

so recent.  you should talk to someone about it bro.

hope this ain't been too bad.....

can i ask you a question.  you don't have to answer.  did it hurt a lot when he stuck it in?  did he just force it in and fuck you straight away or hold it in?

thanks  i am considering going to a therapist or someone 

of course i keep thinking about over and over  and haven't told anyone

i felt the head first like something jabbing then the rest went in fast it had oil or lube on it and my ass had oil from the massage  it was very painful throbbing burning  and i felt my ass stretching around it 

it was just so fast and he had his hands on my shoulders pressing me into the table 

so he stuck it all in at once?  had he been playing with your ass before?

sorry i am just interested.  not sure how my ass will take it......

during the massage he had touched my cheeks but nothing inside  i felt the head pushing into me and then the rest it seemed fast   he probably fucked lots of guys and knew what he was doing

the worst part that i was too embarrassed to tell before was that because he had me pinned onto the table and fucking me i got hard and because of the friction of rubbing on the table i came   when he was done and i got up he saw it and laughed and said i must have really liked it

the difference is that you've been thinking about it and if you do it you'd know it was going to happen

bro, i guess it wasn't the friction.  if he knew what he was doing then he was probably hitting the right spot.  i hear guys can cum while being fucked without even touching themselves.....  not saying that it is right what he did.  did you feel yourself cum?

so you gay or bi?  do you suck?  how old are you by the way?

i knew i was hard as he kept on i could feel that i was going to shoot and i felt it and it rubbing on crotch and stomach  i read about the prostate and that's why it messed me up that it hurt and i hated what happened but it made me cum

i'm 24 and was always straight two years ago i answered a posting to get sucked and it was hot but i was still going out with girls and having sex  i haven't sucked and never wanted to  

so you been with girls since?

bro i know it is tough but you can not think about the fact that you came......  it was not because you liked what he was doing to you.  well without you agreeing.  but i guess when you get fucked there is a sensation that makes you cum.  did you struggle and try to push him off?

this is a tough one.  if you would have tried it with someone you liked and you had agreed it would've been different.

did it hurt a lot after?

Yes I struggled but he was much bigger.

i haven't been with girls since  i've been sidetracked  i read that it can take time when this happens to men and sometimes they turn gay 

i'm average height and thin and he was over six feet and muscular he had his big hands and arms and shoulders and pressed me down also with his body  he'd been friendly before and talking  i felt so stupid because it was my fault  i was looking for fun

i was sore for a few days after  and there's the empty feeling after getting stretched it was like a week before i stopped feeling things there

you obviously had a curiosity about guys before....  but it shouldn't turn you gay.  do you feel about guys or girls any differently?  would you ever bottom again?  but obviously with someone you were into? 

you can't blame yourself bro.  when he got on top of you was he just rubbing at first?  you weren't to know what he was going to do.  guess you were drunk and it was just unlucky.  this guy must have done this before.  it's shit that he done that, but to do it bareback is even worse.

i had a curiosity about guys as a way of getting off    i don't know how i feel now  i had been seeing a girl casually and after i made excuses i was too messed up

i had gotten massages/jerked off before from guys on craigs list so i wasn't expecting what happened  again he probably preyed on young guys who are smaller and put out the free massage trap  he probably gets guys that are willing too and into it because he has a jacked body and is hung  

i keep thinking about it over and over and how felt   would i do it again willingly?  i keep saying no but i never came with such feeling before  that's the messed up part  when he stood there and threw me the towel i looked at his soft long dark dick it was uncut and his big balls and i keep seeing it

do you have his email?  You should write him and tell him how feel

don't  have his email just the CL one which expired 

you are tormenting yourself bro.  take it easy.

can i be honest.  a guy has sort of fucked me before.  this time last year i was with a girl.  things got serious but i wanted to try with a guy one more time.  anyway i met this guy, he was mixed and vgl.  we hung out but i didn't like him much....  he kept wanting to hang.  then he talked about relationship, etc.  i was so confused.  it was all new.  i got more into him and he backed off a bit.  i went a bit crazy.  one night he came to stay over after going out.  we were both drunk.  we were messing around and then i agreed to let him try fuck me.  i didn't really want to but did it cause he did.  he climbed on top and forced it in.  it hurt like hell.  i pushed him off and we stopped.  after that things ended quick.  i felt a bit used because once he tried fucking me he was done.

anyway, the reason why i am telling you this is because i still think about it.  although he was a cunt to me i still care about him and would like to see him again.  he changed my life somewhat.  i'd love to try again for proper with someone who really cared, etc.

but i am a straight/bi guy.  i am very masc and in bed with a girl i take the lead.  that night when he tried and forced it in a bit the roles had changed.  it was just very different.  because it was new and new feelings, etc i think about it a lot.

it is a bit like you with that guy.  what he done to you was bad.  unacceptable.  but you probably are curious about those feelings that you felt.  not being the aggressive one for once.  being dominated, etc.

it is a real grey area for you.  because effectively you got raped.  but you are hating yourself for the fact that you gained some pleasure from it.  you can't be that way.

i am guessing that you are curious about bigger guys, more dominant guys, etc.  that is why you are a little confused.

maybe at some point you have to try with another guy and see.....  there are a lot of guys with gf's but like to get fucked from time to time too. 

i think what has scared you is the longer he fucked you the more you enjoyed it.  plus you came.  that someone can do something like that and you enjoyed it.

not sure what the answer is bro.

thanks a lot  you're right it's about the roles being reversed  i'd been normal with girls  and had gotten sucked by gay guys and even told some of my friends about that and we'd laugh

then out of nowhere i was getting my ass pumped and taking another guy's load and wondering if i really liked it

have to sort it out  thanks

right  that he was bigger and i was helpless and seeing his dick after  and knowing it was in me

i'm on the short side and my dick is okay average so i've had issues

you're right the real problem was that after he got it in me and i got used to it there was pleasure and i could feel that i was going to cum  i thought i'd be messed up and bleeding but i wasn't I was okay he was used to doing it 

i look at the postings a lot and see the ones from bi guys looking to get fucked  

you're right what i don't want to admit is that i could see myself doing it again  which is where you see it going

i hope that i have helped a bit.  if you need to chat feel free.

thanks