Another chat

hot ad man.  would love to chill with you and have you describe the whole thing to me while we both edge our cocks, possibly act out the whole thing.  it gets me hot that you are obsessing over it.  masc italian dude here in the W 20s.

I guess it could be hot reading about it to people but I didn't mean it to be.

I've been obsessing about because I never thought of doing that and it left me hurt and confused.

if you would be into talking about what happened and your feelings about it and see what that goes i would definitely be open to doing that and we can let how you are emotionally feeling about discussing it dictate where the conversation leads

Because you were interested and I haven't told anyone.   I went to someone who had a posting here for a free massage and a hand job in his apartment with a table.  I was on my stomach with a towel.  He played with my ass I couldn't see when he shoved his dick in me.  I yelled but he was much bigger then me.  It was painful.  He was a Latin guy very built who looked like he could be a trainer.  When he was doing it to me I feel that he was big.  After when I was getting my stuff and he stood there naked I could see he was soft but big.  I felt like throwing up. I try not to think about it  I was never curious about this.  I've gotten blown or been jerked off a few times before by guys.

you didn't say anything to him about it?  did he come in you and did you do something to prevent any problem in case he was positive?  i don't know how i would deal with that.  probably would have wanted to severely hurt the guy at the least.  i am the same, enjoy stroking with a dude or stroking each other, like getting blown and occasionally suck a bit but totally not into being fucked.  it is likely the domination and not the act of fucking itself that may leave a feeling of wanting it again.

I was too shocked and humiliated to say anything.  He wasn't wearing a condom but he pulled out of me and came on my back.  I got tested twice and am okay. The worst part that i was too embarrassed to tell before was that because he had me pinned onto the table and doing it to me I got hard and because of the friction of rubbing against the table I came.   When he was done and I got up he saw it and laughed and said I must have really liked it.  

glad that you are ok.  he must have been massaging you naked with his hard dick in your face and touching you all over, right?  did you let him play with your hole for a while before he buried his cock in you?  for you to come, though, it would seem it would have taken more than your cock rubbing against the table to make you come.  just you getting hard suggests that you may have been excited by the aggressive behavior.  that of course does not mean that you necessarily wanted his big cock in you.  also for him to stand there naked he must have gotten off on letting you see his big flaccid cock wet from being in your hole.

He had been massaging me for about half an hour and had been very friendly.  I was on my stomach and couldn't see anything.  I felt the head first like something jabbing then the rest went in fast it had oil or lube on it and my ass had oil from the massage  It was very painful throbbing burning  and I felt my ass stretching around it after he shoved it in it was like 15 minutes of him going in and out.

Yeah I'm sure he wanted me to see his dick after.  

You're probably right that it was the aggressiveness that left me messed up.

since that happened do you ever play with your hole when you masturbate?  i'm curious if you are feeling like he made you aware of a type or sexual satisfaction that you weren't aware of.  also how did our cock compare to his and if a lot smaller did the humiliation play a part in your arousal.  you have me rock hard right now.  what are you looking for from a top now?  i love masturbation and dirty talk with another dude.  it can feel incredibly good to stroke and even if having plenty of sex i always need my time to stroke with a down low buddy or alone.  just feeling another dude's hand touch my cock gets me hard immediately. do you masturbate often and honestly what do you think about when you do?

 I'm on the short side my dick is okay/average.  That he was taller built and had a much bigger dick was part of the shame that he just thought it right for him to do it.  Yeah in a way I like he turned me.

I jerk off and think about it over and over sometimes I play with my ass and feel about it.

If I get together with a top I'd want some straight/bi guy just for the sex.  I wouldn’t to be like a public gay.

i'd love to have you sit on my cock and beat yourself off, let you just ride my cock but you'd be controlling how you used the cock to get yourself off.  that would give you back control, you could use my hard cock in your boy cunt to satisfy your hunger, suck it if you like, but then you would be back in control and making your own choices.  you may find that being dominated and raped is what you really want but you would have clarity in regards to your feelings and also what you needed to make you bust a massive load.  i have found what gets me crazy hot is to get behind closed doors and talk about all the things I can't talk to friends, family or any else about.  it is so hot to get into each's other's heads, share your deepest secrets and know that you can get off on those secrets with someone who will also find it hot and not judge you.  that kind of stuff makes me rock hard and shoot some of the loudest, most convulsive, out of control, let it fly anywhere organs i have ever experienced.

You say a lot of things that make sense.

Another thing is that I never sucked dick or thought about it before and I know that's what a top is going to want.

well if you ever want to get behind closed doors and work through some of this stuff with a buddy who won't pressure you in any way you are welcome to give me a shout.  it is incredibly liberating to say things out loud you hardly admit to yourself, much less discuss with another soul, particularly because you are realizing that they stimulate you sexually in a way and to a degree that you have never experienced before.  to accept that and share it with another buddy is very hot and a bonding type of experience.  you are seriously welcome to use my bone however you like to try to work through your feeling or just get off reliving an experience.  i have a pretty decent cock that people are always telling me is fat.  i don't think i can keep myself from rubbing out a load soon because the stuff you shared has me edging and leaking precum wishing you were next to me now telling and showing me every detail.  i suspect that you have already experienced the crazy arousal discussing what happened with someone who understands and shares your need to explore where this can bring you sexually.  it's a very mixed bag or emotions but leads to a sexual peak that you can't deny or stay away from/

Thanks a lot.  Your offer is something I will really consider.  I have admit I was turned on by this.

if you want to start by talking about how it turns you on and rub one out together we could do that too.  it may make it easier to actually meet after that and use my cock however you feel a need to

It turns me thinking about it over and over.  I look through the CL postings sometimes and see that that guy posts sometimes.  He doesn't do the massage trap anymore.  I know it's him because he has a dick pic and I recognize it and the tattoos on his body.

i'm curious to talk to you about setting up the appt and what happened during the massage to get you to honestly talk about your expectations.  his cock must have attracted you in some way, right?  by the way I bet you have his cock and body pics.  you should send them so i can better picture this situation.  was it a naked massage?  was he hard if it was?  his cock was probably all over you and in your face as he circled the table to massage you right?  did you take it in your mouth at all?  very curious about ow this played out.

I had gotten massages before from CL and sometimes been jerked off.  His was for a free massage from a professional for attractive young guys. He'd asked if I was gay or straight or bi.  I'd said straight. I sent pic and he responded with the address and we set up a time.  I went there.  He was wearing gym shorts and a T shirt not nude.  I got undressed and was got on the table on my stomach when he was out of the room.  I wasn't looking at his dick and I never sucked it.  I don't have his pics.  

I've only seen his dic/body pics in his different postings.

The times I've seen it in the postings I was fascinated by it because of what happened.  Dark, uncut really big and I think about it being in me.  I've even jerked off looking at it.

Someone suggested I contact him to tell how angry and hurt I am but I don't because I'm afraid if he responds.

i think the fact that you admit to seeing it and jerking off looking at it is good to admit.  i have straight buddies i chill we and we get naked, talk about twisted fantasies, watch porn, stroke our cocks, occasionally there is some sucking and if any one of them would let me fuck them if i really wanted to.  they are straight though, but comfortable enough with themselves to step outside the defined sexual boundaries, not be threatened and just enjoy the sex.  i think you are turned on by the taboo kind of twist to it, especially how you describe it as dark, uncut and really big.  i think that was probably a big part of originally responding to his ad.  i think you also were really turned on looking at his length and girth and knowing that you had taken it in your ass, and even better been aggressively fucked by it.  i've known str8 men who didn't have any interest in sucking and loved pussy but needed cock in their ass to keep them satisfied. i would also guess that he worked your hole for a while with his fingers before burying his huge cock in you.  how did you respond to his fingers?  did you push back on them, moan at all indicating it was enjoyable, get verbal with him? being honest do you think your general response to his fingers gave him a green light or a red light to bone you?  you may or may not want to keep fucking pussy but to be honest and true to yourself is going to serve you best in the long run. was there a point during that 15 minutes where you flipped 180 degrees and let yourself enjoy being pounded and the load you blew really was because of the incredible mind fuck and not anything to do with your cock grinding against a hard table?

He had just massaged my cheeks but no fingers.  First his hands on my shoulders pushed me into the table and then felt the head of his dick pressing into me.  It was rough and he got the whole thing.  He's probably fucked lots of guys and knew how to do it.  I was yelling for him stop and didn't say anything just kept doing it in and out.  I was crying because of the pain and the shock.  It's sick that as he kept doing it and I got used to what he was doing it felt really good.  He knew how to do it.  I could feel that I was going to shoot and that felt sick but incredible to cum that way.

I read about the straight bi guys doing stuff with guys but it's different because a lot of them are married or with women already so they know who they are.  I haven't been with that many girls and worried I was small.  I haven't though about girls since and that's why it's scary about what it means for my life.

That I was white and he isn't probably turned him on.  That's also what makes it feel more shameful.

After he was done and I saw his dick it was soft.  In his postings the pic shows it totally hard and yes it turns me on when I see it.  I've seen porn but that's like not real and I wasn't in guys so I hadn't seen anything like that for real and obsessing that it made me cum.

have you thought about that every time you have come since then?

Yeah I think about his dick when I jerk off.

really hooked on that cock, aren't you?

I can’t help it.  Thanks