Another chat

in the same boat

i'm 36 white irish italian american 6'1 190

i let a friend of friend crash at my place

he was in town for a conference

still consider myself straight, not my usual thing

Thanks.  It's that I never thought of doing that and I struggled and it hurt but after awhile it felt sick that I got hard and that there was some pleasure that messed me up.

i know exactly what you're saying

we had been out drinking and never thought something like that would happen

i'm not into guys but now i'm having trouble dating girls

i couldn't believe i got hard when that was happening

The worst part that i was too embarrassed to tell before was that because he had me pinned onto the table and doing it to me I got hard and because of the friction of rubbing against the table I came   when he was done and I got up he saw it and laughed and said i must have really liked it.

I haven't done anything with anyone since.  I can't even think about girls since.

i was in bed and had fallen asleep

when it was first going on i was dreaming, thought my girl had come over

we never talked about it and he left the next day

i've seen him with friends back in town

i'm just afraid he's going tell one of my buddies

This guy was a total stranger.  I see that he still posts but not the massage trap anymore.  I know it's him because he posts a dick pick I and recognize the tattoos he has on his body.

what surprised me the most was that i got hard

i wasn't that i was playing with my self and he didn't touch my dick

i didn't cum

if you did, does that mean you think you like taking a cock in your ass?

That's why I'm sort of messed up and thinking about it.  Thinking that I really liked it.

i definitely would never do that again

but i now think about fucking a guy and making him take my cock in his ass

the troubles i've been having with girls i think i need to do this

get my agression back

i know it sounds weird

i would never date a dude

Yes that's the thing I don't see myself as turning gay and dating men.

yeah, same

i just have a fantasy of reliving a rape scene where i fuck a guy

I've read thay some guys who had it done to them either want to it to others and other guys become passive.

yeah i havent thought about it that much

but sometimes when im watching porn, i look at the guy who's fucking the girl and think about bending him over and fucking him really hard whether he's going to like it or not. actually fucking a gay guy doesnt interest me at all.

I thought porn would help it triggers feelings I'm trying not to have.

yeah i know.were u forced to have cum in your mouth?

No.  That didn’t happen.

would you try?

I know that guys are going to want that.  I used to go on CL to find guys to blow me.  Now I think about it and that I'm going to have to.

do you think you can do it good, like really do it the way you would want it done? i think it would be hot to make you suck my dick

I sometimes would watch guys doing me and now I think about what they did with their lips, mouths and tongues.  You want to teach me to be a cocksucker.

sure, but you would have to keep this discreet. you understand im not going to touch you cock in ant way. u cool with that?

Right I would need it discreet.  I know that stuff like this is going to one sided.  That a bi straight guy isn't going to touch me or anything except to get sucked or fuck.  I was like that.

He didn’t answer back and I wrote him again and he didn’t answer.  Chatting with him got me to be honest out loud and with myself that I really wanted have sex with men.

Another chat

hot ad man.  would love to chill with you and have you describe the whole thing to me while we both edge our cocks, possibly act out the whole thing.  it gets me hot that you are obsessing over it.  masc italian dude here in the W 20s.

I guess it could be hot reading about it to people but I didn't mean it to be.

I've been obsessing about because I never thought of doing that and it left me hurt and confused.

if you would be into talking about what happened and your feelings about it and see what that goes i would definitely be open to doing that and we can let how you are emotionally feeling about discussing it dictate where the conversation leads

Because you were interested and I haven't told anyone.   I went to someone who had a posting here for a free massage and a hand job in his apartment with a table.  I was on my stomach with a towel.  He played with my ass I couldn't see when he shoved his dick in me.  I yelled but he was much bigger then me.  It was painful.  He was a Latin guy very built who looked like he could be a trainer.  When he was doing it to me I feel that he was big.  After when I was getting my stuff and he stood there naked I could see he was soft but big.  I felt like throwing up. I try not to think about it  I was never curious about this.  I've gotten blown or been jerked off a few times before by guys.

you didn't say anything to him about it?  did he come in you and did you do something to prevent any problem in case he was positive?  i don't know how i would deal with that.  probably would have wanted to severely hurt the guy at the least.  i am the same, enjoy stroking with a dude or stroking each other, like getting blown and occasionally suck a bit but totally not into being fucked.  it is likely the domination and not the act of fucking itself that may leave a feeling of wanting it again.

I was too shocked and humiliated to say anything.  He wasn't wearing a condom but he pulled out of me and came on my back.  I got tested twice and am okay. The worst part that i was too embarrassed to tell before was that because he had me pinned onto the table and doing it to me I got hard and because of the friction of rubbing against the table I came.   When he was done and I got up he saw it and laughed and said I must have really liked it.  

glad that you are ok.  he must have been massaging you naked with his hard dick in your face and touching you all over, right?  did you let him play with your hole for a while before he buried his cock in you?  for you to come, though, it would seem it would have taken more than your cock rubbing against the table to make you come.  just you getting hard suggests that you may have been excited by the aggressive behavior.  that of course does not mean that you necessarily wanted his big cock in you.  also for him to stand there naked he must have gotten off on letting you see his big flaccid cock wet from being in your hole.

He had been massaging me for about half an hour and had been very friendly.  I was on my stomach and couldn't see anything.  I felt the head first like something jabbing then the rest went in fast it had oil or lube on it and my ass had oil from the massage  It was very painful throbbing burning  and I felt my ass stretching around it after he shoved it in it was like 15 minutes of him going in and out.

Yeah I'm sure he wanted me to see his dick after.  

You're probably right that it was the aggressiveness that left me messed up.

since that happened do you ever play with your hole when you masturbate?  i'm curious if you are feeling like he made you aware of a type or sexual satisfaction that you weren't aware of.  also how did our cock compare to his and if a lot smaller did the humiliation play a part in your arousal.  you have me rock hard right now.  what are you looking for from a top now?  i love masturbation and dirty talk with another dude.  it can feel incredibly good to stroke and even if having plenty of sex i always need my time to stroke with a down low buddy or alone.  just feeling another dude's hand touch my cock gets me hard immediately. do you masturbate often and honestly what do you think about when you do?

 I'm on the short side my dick is okay/average.  That he was taller built and had a much bigger dick was part of the shame that he just thought it right for him to do it.  Yeah in a way I like he turned me.

I jerk off and think about it over and over sometimes I play with my ass and feel about it.

If I get together with a top I'd want some straight/bi guy just for the sex.  I wouldn’t to be like a public gay.

i'd love to have you sit on my cock and beat yourself off, let you just ride my cock but you'd be controlling how you used the cock to get yourself off.  that would give you back control, you could use my hard cock in your boy cunt to satisfy your hunger, suck it if you like, but then you would be back in control and making your own choices.  you may find that being dominated and raped is what you really want but you would have clarity in regards to your feelings and also what you needed to make you bust a massive load.  i have found what gets me crazy hot is to get behind closed doors and talk about all the things I can't talk to friends, family or any else about.  it is so hot to get into each's other's heads, share your deepest secrets and know that you can get off on those secrets with someone who will also find it hot and not judge you.  that kind of stuff makes me rock hard and shoot some of the loudest, most convulsive, out of control, let it fly anywhere organs i have ever experienced.

You say a lot of things that make sense.

Another thing is that I never sucked dick or thought about it before and I know that's what a top is going to want.

well if you ever want to get behind closed doors and work through some of this stuff with a buddy who won't pressure you in any way you are welcome to give me a shout.  it is incredibly liberating to say things out loud you hardly admit to yourself, much less discuss with another soul, particularly because you are realizing that they stimulate you sexually in a way and to a degree that you have never experienced before.  to accept that and share it with another buddy is very hot and a bonding type of experience.  you are seriously welcome to use my bone however you like to try to work through your feeling or just get off reliving an experience.  i have a pretty decent cock that people are always telling me is fat.  i don't think i can keep myself from rubbing out a load soon because the stuff you shared has me edging and leaking precum wishing you were next to me now telling and showing me every detail.  i suspect that you have already experienced the crazy arousal discussing what happened with someone who understands and shares your need to explore where this can bring you sexually.  it's a very mixed bag or emotions but leads to a sexual peak that you can't deny or stay away from/

Thanks a lot.  Your offer is something I will really consider.  I have admit I was turned on by this.

if you want to start by talking about how it turns you on and rub one out together we could do that too.  it may make it easier to actually meet after that and use my cock however you feel a need to

It turns me thinking about it over and over.  I look through the CL postings sometimes and see that that guy posts sometimes.  He doesn't do the massage trap anymore.  I know it's him because he has a dick pic and I recognize it and the tattoos on his body.

i'm curious to talk to you about setting up the appt and what happened during the massage to get you to honestly talk about your expectations.  his cock must have attracted you in some way, right?  by the way I bet you have his cock and body pics.  you should send them so i can better picture this situation.  was it a naked massage?  was he hard if it was?  his cock was probably all over you and in your face as he circled the table to massage you right?  did you take it in your mouth at all?  very curious about ow this played out.

I had gotten massages before from CL and sometimes been jerked off.  His was for a free massage from a professional for attractive young guys. He'd asked if I was gay or straight or bi.  I'd said straight. I sent pic and he responded with the address and we set up a time.  I went there.  He was wearing gym shorts and a T shirt not nude.  I got undressed and was got on the table on my stomach when he was out of the room.  I wasn't looking at his dick and I never sucked it.  I don't have his pics.  

I've only seen his dic/body pics in his different postings.

The times I've seen it in the postings I was fascinated by it because of what happened.  Dark, uncut really big and I think about it being in me.  I've even jerked off looking at it.

Someone suggested I contact him to tell how angry and hurt I am but I don't because I'm afraid if he responds.

i think the fact that you admit to seeing it and jerking off looking at it is good to admit.  i have straight buddies i chill we and we get naked, talk about twisted fantasies, watch porn, stroke our cocks, occasionally there is some sucking and if any one of them would let me fuck them if i really wanted to.  they are straight though, but comfortable enough with themselves to step outside the defined sexual boundaries, not be threatened and just enjoy the sex.  i think you are turned on by the taboo kind of twist to it, especially how you describe it as dark, uncut and really big.  i think that was probably a big part of originally responding to his ad.  i think you also were really turned on looking at his length and girth and knowing that you had taken it in your ass, and even better been aggressively fucked by it.  i've known str8 men who didn't have any interest in sucking and loved pussy but needed cock in their ass to keep them satisfied. i would also guess that he worked your hole for a while with his fingers before burying his huge cock in you.  how did you respond to his fingers?  did you push back on them, moan at all indicating it was enjoyable, get verbal with him? being honest do you think your general response to his fingers gave him a green light or a red light to bone you?  you may or may not want to keep fucking pussy but to be honest and true to yourself is going to serve you best in the long run. was there a point during that 15 minutes where you flipped 180 degrees and let yourself enjoy being pounded and the load you blew really was because of the incredible mind fuck and not anything to do with your cock grinding against a hard table?

He had just massaged my cheeks but no fingers.  First his hands on my shoulders pushed me into the table and then felt the head of his dick pressing into me.  It was rough and he got the whole thing.  He's probably fucked lots of guys and knew how to do it.  I was yelling for him stop and didn't say anything just kept doing it in and out.  I was crying because of the pain and the shock.  It's sick that as he kept doing it and I got used to what he was doing it felt really good.  He knew how to do it.  I could feel that I was going to shoot and that felt sick but incredible to cum that way.

I read about the straight bi guys doing stuff with guys but it's different because a lot of them are married or with women already so they know who they are.  I haven't been with that many girls and worried I was small.  I haven't though about girls since and that's why it's scary about what it means for my life.

That I was white and he isn't probably turned him on.  That's also what makes it feel more shameful.

After he was done and I saw his dick it was soft.  In his postings the pic shows it totally hard and yes it turns me on when I see it.  I've seen porn but that's like not real and I wasn't in guys so I hadn't seen anything like that for real and obsessing that it made me cum.

have you thought about that every time you have come since then?

Yeah I think about his dick when I jerk off.

really hooked on that cock, aren't you?

I can’t help it.  Thanks

Taking action

After chatting with the straight guy who had the posting about wanting to talk online about bottoming I thought about everything and my feelings and decided to put up a posting about it. Guys wrote me wanting to chat or hook up.

Former straight for a Top - 25

Two months ago someone I met here raped me. I answered a posting for a free massage. I went to his apartment and during the massage he raped me. He was bigger and much stronger then me it lasted 15 minutes. I left shocked and too embarrassed to tell anyone.

I was straight/bi who dated and had sex with girls and came here just for low key male fun. Since this happened shut I down and can't think about being with a girl.

I have been obsessing over this and the sick reality that there was pleasure in it.

I am looking for a bi/straight guy who can understand my conflicted feelings about wanting to do this with someone again.

I am 24 white 5 8 145.

Talk to daddy about it. Did you bleed how was the massage.  Did you cry out and yell or moan like a whore

Yes I yelled a lot.  I did not bleed.  It was a good massage for about half an hour.  

i wasn't a whore.

He didn’t write back.

Another:

older here masc fit married 46 5'10 176  same happen to me years ago let chat

Thanks for the response it was horrible and I couldn't tell anyone.

yes , i still live with it married but i need to top younger men

it messed me up because I don't know if I could go back to being with girls.  I keep thinking about it and it how i got hard when he was doing it to me and that after awhile it felt good.  

it does fell good  did he make you suck his cock?

No.  He had me shoved into the massage table and when he was done he got off me he gave me a towel and said I should clean up and leave.

so tell me why you like it  have you been with a man since?

I haven't done anything with anyone since.

Because he had me pinned onto the table and doing it to me i got hard and because of the friction of rubbing on the table i came.  I didn't like it but I can't help how it felt.

sometimes it helps to be held and talk about it

Thanks.  I have to think about it.

Some guys just wanted to hook up right away:

28yo, 6', 175lbs, 8in cut thick, Str8, dom top

(dick pic attached)

Italian 46yo   5.7 150 29w 6.5u and huge balls.  Top

Well educated professional man on the DL

Disease free and neg.

and pics pls

(dick pic attached)

hey...understand that

39  6'1  195  7.5 cut thick, masculine and neg -- total top here, Def Dom strong hands for massage as well.  Staying in a hotel, so it'll be easy.  Come here now & we can do this

(dick pic attached)

Hey what’s up. I saw your ad. How are you?  5  9 145 lbs. 28 years old. Very good looking.

Thanks.  I shut down for weeks and was just venting.

well that's understandable. I mean I've never been raped. but can imagine it to be kind different for a guy. do you have a pic? how do you feel about hanging out today?

Another:  Smooth?

A bit hairy  (no answer)

The Beginning

In November 2013 I was raped by someone I met from Craigs List’s Men Seeking Men postings.  I had just turned 24.  After a few weeks I began looking at the postings to see if he posted again.  I saw the following one that set me off and I replied.

vgl st8: questions about bottoming. any straight/bi guys tried it? - 26

i am a vgl straight but curious guy. i date and fuck women but had some light play with a guy recently. got rimmed and enjoyed it.

i would like to talk online to someone about their first time bottoming. i am curious about it. looking to chat with a straight or bi guy only, who is not that experienced with bottoming but has tried it.

It was horrible.  It was rape.  I went to someone who had a posting here for a massage and a hand job in his apartment with a table.  I was on my stomach with a towel.  He played with my ass I couldn't see when he shoved his dick in me.  I yelled but he was much bigger then me.  It was painful.  I got tested and was okay.  I was too embarrassed to report him.

If you're straight don't do it.  It fucks with your head.

are you for real?  that really happened?  are you gay, bi or straight?

Yes it happened.  Straight/bi.  I'd looked at the postings to get blown.   I'd been drinking and answered the massage ad.

shit.  that is bad.  was it your first time  did he wear a condom?

Yes first time. I had never thought of doing that!  It happened so fast he did not put on a condom.  I was just shocked and couldn't do or say anything after.  

what did you do once he got off of you?

He just stood there.  I got dressed and left.  

where did he cum?

He pulled out and shot on my back.

shit that's bad.  sorry to hear that bro.  was he old?

Like 30s.  He had an ad for free massage with release for young guys.

shit.  he was hung?  too bad your first time was like that.  before that were you ever curious about anal?  you been with a guy since?

He was a Hispanic guy very built who looked like he could be a trainer.  When he was doing it to me I feel that he was big.  After when I was getting my stuff and he stood there naked I could see he was soft but big.  I felt like throwing up. I try not to think about it  I was never curious about this.  I haven’t been with anyone since.

ok.  did he fuck you for long?  guess it didn't feel good at all?  it is a shame you couldn't try it (if you wanted) with the right guy.

after he shoved it in it was like 15 minutes of him going in and out 

the sick thing is that after awhile it does feel physically good because of the sensations and getting used to it   i got hard because it's involuntary   it felt gross when he came on me  it fucked up my head

i'm sorry that it fucked you up.  how long ago?  did he say anything after?

In November.

I felt his cum all over my back.  he got off me and pulled it out walked away handed me a towel  and said i should clean up  i could feel my ass was wet and it dripping on my legs too  i took the towel and wiped myself  he stood there when i was putting my clothes on and didn't say anything else

it was like when women talk about it being used 

so recent.  you should talk to someone about it bro.

hope this ain't been too bad.....

can i ask you a question.  you don't have to answer.  did it hurt a lot when he stuck it in?  did he just force it in and fuck you straight away or hold it in?

thanks  i am considering going to a therapist or someone 

of course i keep thinking about over and over  and haven't told anyone

i felt the head first like something jabbing then the rest went in fast it had oil or lube on it and my ass had oil from the massage  it was very painful throbbing burning  and i felt my ass stretching around it 

it was just so fast and he had his hands on my shoulders pressing me into the table 

so he stuck it all in at once?  had he been playing with your ass before?

sorry i am just interested.  not sure how my ass will take it......

during the massage he had touched my cheeks but nothing inside  i felt the head pushing into me and then the rest it seemed fast   he probably fucked lots of guys and knew what he was doing

the worst part that i was too embarrassed to tell before was that because he had me pinned onto the table and fucking me i got hard and because of the friction of rubbing on the table i came   when he was done and i got up he saw it and laughed and said i must have really liked it

the difference is that you've been thinking about it and if you do it you'd know it was going to happen

bro, i guess it wasn't the friction.  if he knew what he was doing then he was probably hitting the right spot.  i hear guys can cum while being fucked without even touching themselves.....  not saying that it is right what he did.  did you feel yourself cum?

so you gay or bi?  do you suck?  how old are you by the way?

i knew i was hard as he kept on i could feel that i was going to shoot and i felt it and it rubbing on crotch and stomach  i read about the prostate and that's why it messed me up that it hurt and i hated what happened but it made me cum

i'm 24 and was always straight two years ago i answered a posting to get sucked and it was hot but i was still going out with girls and having sex  i haven't sucked and never wanted to  

so you been with girls since?

bro i know it is tough but you can not think about the fact that you came......  it was not because you liked what he was doing to you.  well without you agreeing.  but i guess when you get fucked there is a sensation that makes you cum.  did you struggle and try to push him off?

this is a tough one.  if you would have tried it with someone you liked and you had agreed it would've been different.

did it hurt a lot after?

Yes I struggled but he was much bigger.

i haven't been with girls since  i've been sidetracked  i read that it can take time when this happens to men and sometimes they turn gay 

i'm average height and thin and he was over six feet and muscular he had his big hands and arms and shoulders and pressed me down also with his body  he'd been friendly before and talking  i felt so stupid because it was my fault  i was looking for fun

i was sore for a few days after  and there's the empty feeling after getting stretched it was like a week before i stopped feeling things there

you obviously had a curiosity about guys before....  but it shouldn't turn you gay.  do you feel about guys or girls any differently?  would you ever bottom again?  but obviously with someone you were into? 

you can't blame yourself bro.  when he got on top of you was he just rubbing at first?  you weren't to know what he was going to do.  guess you were drunk and it was just unlucky.  this guy must have done this before.  it's shit that he done that, but to do it bareback is even worse.

i had a curiosity about guys as a way of getting off    i don't know how i feel now  i had been seeing a girl casually and after i made excuses i was too messed up

i had gotten massages/jerked off before from guys on craigs list so i wasn't expecting what happened  again he probably preyed on young guys who are smaller and put out the free massage trap  he probably gets guys that are willing too and into it because he has a jacked body and is hung  

i keep thinking about it over and over and how felt   would i do it again willingly?  i keep saying no but i never came with such feeling before  that's the messed up part  when he stood there and threw me the towel i looked at his soft long dark dick it was uncut and his big balls and i keep seeing it

do you have his email?  You should write him and tell him how feel

don't  have his email just the CL one which expired 

you are tormenting yourself bro.  take it easy.

can i be honest.  a guy has sort of fucked me before.  this time last year i was with a girl.  things got serious but i wanted to try with a guy one more time.  anyway i met this guy, he was mixed and vgl.  we hung out but i didn't like him much....  he kept wanting to hang.  then he talked about relationship, etc.  i was so confused.  it was all new.  i got more into him and he backed off a bit.  i went a bit crazy.  one night he came to stay over after going out.  we were both drunk.  we were messing around and then i agreed to let him try fuck me.  i didn't really want to but did it cause he did.  he climbed on top and forced it in.  it hurt like hell.  i pushed him off and we stopped.  after that things ended quick.  i felt a bit used because once he tried fucking me he was done.

anyway, the reason why i am telling you this is because i still think about it.  although he was a cunt to me i still care about him and would like to see him again.  he changed my life somewhat.  i'd love to try again for proper with someone who really cared, etc.

but i am a straight/bi guy.  i am very masc and in bed with a girl i take the lead.  that night when he tried and forced it in a bit the roles had changed.  it was just very different.  because it was new and new feelings, etc i think about it a lot.

it is a bit like you with that guy.  what he done to you was bad.  unacceptable.  but you probably are curious about those feelings that you felt.  not being the aggressive one for once.  being dominated, etc.

it is a real grey area for you.  because effectively you got raped.  but you are hating yourself for the fact that you gained some pleasure from it.  you can't be that way.

i am guessing that you are curious about bigger guys, more dominant guys, etc.  that is why you are a little confused.

maybe at some point you have to try with another guy and see.....  there are a lot of guys with gf's but like to get fucked from time to time too. 

i think what has scared you is the longer he fucked you the more you enjoyed it.  plus you came.  that someone can do something like that and you enjoyed it.

not sure what the answer is bro.

thanks a lot  you're right it's about the roles being reversed  i'd been normal with girls  and had gotten sucked by gay guys and even told some of my friends about that and we'd laugh

then out of nowhere i was getting my ass pumped and taking another guy's load and wondering if i really liked it

have to sort it out  thanks

right  that he was bigger and i was helpless and seeing his dick after  and knowing it was in me

i'm on the short side and my dick is okay average so i've had issues

you're right the real problem was that after he got it in me and i got used to it there was pleasure and i could feel that i was going to cum  i thought i'd be messed up and bleeding but i wasn't I was okay he was used to doing it 

i look at the postings a lot and see the ones from bi guys looking to get fucked  

you're right what i don't want to admit is that i could see myself doing it again  which is where you see it going

i hope that i have helped a bit.  if you need to chat feel free.

thanks